I haven’t always been the happy, bubbly, confident girl I am today. I’ve suffered from depression from around the age of 9 till I was 18 on and off. Here’s my story…
I started puberty at the very young age of around 9 years old. I theorize that the crazy mad hormones that come with puberty raging around such a young body is probably what kicked it off (or vise versa)- along with some other points like my very low self-esteem, a friend being killed by a speeding car and the constant bullying that I dealt with at that same age.
I’m not going to go into too much detail about this right now but primary school for me was shit (excuse the language).
The first couple of years at secondary school weren’t too bad, right up to the age of around 13 and a half.
At 14 years of age I hit a pretty deep low and attempted to take my own life. You see I though I was in love – with a person I couldn’t be with as he was much older than me. I didn’t fit in with people my own age and felt completely alone.
I ended up being in a relationship with that person, illegally (for him). I’d say around 90% of this relationship is now shrouded with the darkest memories of my depression. I suppose in the beginning I thought I was happy. However near the end, around the age of 18, I knew I needed out!
The man was controlling and abusive, because of him I had lost all ties to friends and family, every time I tried to break free of his hold on me he would just grip tighter. This time I was truly alone, there was nobody there to save me, nobody knew the life I was living, even now I don’t think those closest too me know the full extent of his depravity. Thinking back on it now it’s like all that stuff happened to a different person, a different girl – and I could cry for her.
Escape came in the form of university – and my mother returning from living in a different country. University was the main thing that changed my life. I grew a brilliantly strong bond with my older brother who lived in the city my new uni was in, he got me a job as a bartender (THANK YOU BRO!!) and there I met a great bunch of people who became like a 2nd family to me. My happiness grew, as did my confidence (with a little help from the advice in my post ‘Grandma said…‘). I’d also like to use this opportunity to thank the mission guys, you know who you are, you have no idea what you did for me, love!!
Now I’m no longer at university, and for the first time since that guy, I’m in love! I genuinely couldn’t be happier with my life-except maybe if i won the lottery ;).
Notice now that I haven’t concentrated much on the bad times but more on the good. There is a reason for that, I do not dwell! My story has a happy ending when so many others don’t, I can’t say I’m sorry for the things that happened in my life because it all turned out amazingly.
Please feel free to share your stories in the comments below, lets end the scrutiny around mental illness for good!